“I have looked at them many times and they have sent my imagination into overdrive as to what could be.” Karen

Could you choose not to live your authentic life. How would it feel to be 60 years old and to still be trapped in the wrong body, living a lie? Why might someone choose to do that? What if you had a business, a wife, children and grand children and you knew that to live authentically may destroy your family? Would you be brave to protect them or braver to live as you needed to?

Would you spend your life wondering what it would be like to live as a woman, knowing that you are a woman and pretending to be a man? Gender is a performance we act masculine or feminine. It must be very painful to act all day every day. 

Karen came to me because she wrestles with these choices. She found my website and read about my work, she got in touch to find out if I was trustworthy and sensitive. Could I provide a make-up artist who would respect her privacy. Could we let her become the woman that she is and photograph Karen so that she could take those images home and think about her life? She asked me to post this blog. 

Many transgendered people live this way, many “come out” at the Sparkle weekend in Manchester each July. But if you cannot face hurting your family you can come to me for portraits and to see your authentic self. It may stir your imagination too. 

How do you expect to feel if you have to battle breast cancer? Terrified and angry? I know my breasts are not all that defines me as a woman, but I find them very feminine and I love having them. Susan Bullows came to me for a portrait shoot last week, she wanted to celebrate surviving breast cancer. She wanted her make-up doing by Artur Biernat, she wanted to celebrate being 60 years old. I thought she was rather magnificent! Susan has the wisdom that comes with age and when I lamented that so few mature women want a portrait, she went one further and said, “Now we have done some for my family to show them I am well and happy, I want to do some for me.”

So Susan asked for some topless work, and I love doing nudes! Wow, when a woman feels comfortable in her skin and wishes to celebrate her real body. A body with scars, wrinkles and the stretch marks that come with having two sons. This is what we should be sharing with our daughters – that a woman does not need to be sexualised and that she may love and accept her body. That the body tells a story and its narrative is vital.

Susan met a fabulous “ray of light” in Siobhan O’Ceallaigh, who is a plastic surgeon who reconstructed Susan’s breast using tissue from her own body rather than silicone. 95% of surgeons are men. It took another woman to help Susan to feel whole again. Looking at this image I am struck by how it perhaps took another woman to see the need for the gift of reconstructive surgery. You can find Siobhan at Wythenshawe Hospital in South Manchester and the Spire Hospital in Manchester too.

Be a wise woman like Susan, celebrate the real you!

Be Authentic.

Allie x

The Getty Images Gallery Exhibited 2017.
The Lloyds of London Exhibited 2017.
“Intimate Portraits” Published in America by Joyce Tenneson.
British Photography Awards 2017, Short List.
Magnum Photography Awards 2017 “Highly Rated.”

Be part of “Best Emerging Talent” (LensCulture), you just don’t know whose wall you might end up on!

Last year my portraits exhibited at the Getty Images Gallery and Lloyds of London. One short listed for Portrait of Britain. Magnum Photography called my work, “Highly Rated.” I love to explore gender diversity and authenticity, but I also photograph for individuals, families and do corporate work. So if you need head shots that reveal the true person, web photos that build the humanity in your brand, I am your woman!

I am a feminist, so imagine my excitement when award winning barrister Sally Penni  (centre) asked me to shoot an event for her on International Woman’s Day. She founded Women in the Law, a networking group that promotes career progression through personal development.  I adore Sally, she is a very impressive woman. So brilliant, in fact, that she had convinced Baroness Hale to speak at the Women in the Law Annual Dinner. The first ever female President of the Supreme Court  was in Manchester at the splendid Midland Hotel  to join  Northern lawyers celebrating in suffragette city!

A whole team of women were preparing for the event whilst I tested my lighting, trainers and flats were exchanged for heels ( except me – photographers shun heels when working!) and the drinks reception began. I took this calm moment to shoot a lot of the younger lawyers as they are the future and I knew that when Lady Hale arrived I would be following her instead. It was important to me to represent a diverse group of women and capture them networking.

I was introduced to Lady Hale by Sally and we had a quick chat before I stepped back to photograph her with guests. This is the part of my job I love. I study people’s faces, linger over their expressions, read their eyes. Shall I tell you what I saw? Lady Hale has a face that divides into two halves. She has ethereal beauty. She may smile warmly, yet her eyes may tell a very different story of piercing intelligence. She sees into people. I am sure that if you have stood in front of her in court you will have realised that she reads you very perceptively. I found her fascinating. An empowered woman, rather like meeting an ancient Goddess and experiencing awe and a touch of fear! Her keynote speech was powerful and she makes no apologies for wanting a fairer world where women have the same opportunities as men. If you want more details check out her recent 2018 Christabel Pankhurst Lecture.

I was invited to dinner, my companions were great people, the food was excellent and the live music fabulous. Which brings me to the title of the story. Lady Hale was as, “Our Brenda” and I realised that to the women in that room Brenda Hale is a person to embrace as our own. She campaigns for women, inspires women, mentors lawyers and proves that women can defeat all barriers. I hope that my dinner companions work together to make the judiciary more diverse and equal and I am pretty sure “Our Brenda” would tell them to get on with it!

 alliephotography31@gmail.com

Be true to you.

Allie x

The Getty Images Gallery Exhibited 2017.
The Lloyds of London Exhibited 2017.
“Intimate Portraits” Published in America by Joyce Tenneson.
British Photography Awards 2017, Short List.
Magnum Photography Awards 2017 “Highly Rated.”

On being an independent woman and taking risks. To all the strong women out there who are trapped in work they no longer love. Follow your dream.

Am I scared? You bet. Yesterday I resigned from my teaching job. It’s final and there is no going back. I’ve been on sabbatical. So is my photography diary full? No. I’m not financially secure, I have taken a leap of faith – in myself. You see all of the awards listed below? I bet you think I am confident and successful, convinced my business will be easy and that paid work will flood in? Not at all – bookings can pour in, then it goes quiet and I feel queasy. I had a faculty family, now I am a lone wolf. So why did I give up a safe pay check and structured work and free fall? I will tell you the truth.

I had a dream when I was 14 years old, I fought to take my GSCE (O’ level) Art, then I fought to sneak AS Art into my life and they said, “Give up and focus on academic subjects.” So I went behind their backs and went to Art college on a Saturday morning. To be honest academic subjects made sense, I had a very abusive childhood, I am lucky to be alive and I needed to become well qualified and to earn my own living, to be safe. I needed enough money to get out. Simone De Beauvoir said, “Independence begins in the purse.” She had a point.

Photography was too risky. So I ended up teaching media in colleges and until I had my daughter it was creative and it sustained me. Then I got post natal depression and demoted. I thought just having a job and being a mum was enough, and I was exhausted anyway. I longed for my dream and feared it was not realistic.

When my daughter was a teenager ( I know I waited that long! But this is a real story), I went to night school to study photography. I invested in me and it was knackering. And brilliant. To fill myself up instead of wringing me out. I plotted my exit. I exhibited at The Getty in London in May 2017 and a few days later I decided to leave my job! The shot hanging on the wall was about a road journey mixed with a “Thelma and Louise” fantasy because I wanted the accelerator pedal and an open road, to take a trip before I am too old. So my gut screamed in place of the tyres.

College were lovely and suggested a safety net ( I think I may have appeared rash, and well Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff) they called it a sabbatical. When I resigned yesterday my boss hugged me. My friends hugged me, the Principal hugged me, because I refuse to give up on my dream. I want this adventure and I bet they do too.

So many of my friends are trapped in their lives. Plot your escape.

I joined a photography club when I was 16 years old and I went to Art School on Saturdays whilst studying for my A Levels. I taught in a college, sensibly paying the bills until my daughter was a teenager. I went full time freelance last year. Some dreams must finally be lived. So what did it mean to be short listed for a national award in my first year? 

A boost to the self belief. The urge to reach higher. To ask my mentor to help me to develop more meaningful work. To thank my models and ask them to continue offering me so much of their authentic selves to shoot. But also the shock of it. If you know me you will see that I come from a very abusive childhood and never dreamed I would survive to adulthood, evidence that I am flourishing can be hard to deal with. It goes against what I was conditioned to expect. So ‘a win” has humbled me. It is a win too, in my first real year of work I got short listed out of 8000 entries and hanged at the Getty. So I am just going to push on.