Last night I went to the City Life Awards 2019 as my exhibition “You Brought Your Own Light” was nominated. Ever since I found out about the nomination I have felt like I had already won - to have work short listed is a win for me. Yet last night I was shaking when the nominations were read out, it’s a bit like the Oscars, they do the five nominated and then Andy Burnham announced the winner.
Of course Bee in the City won. I knew that would happen as the winner was chosen by popular vote and the Bee Trail was a terrific game in the city with families and tourists. Absolutely a no brainer! Trans women are not a game. This morning I saw that the group ReSisters Unite have defaced many statues all over the country including Emmerline Pankhurst’s statue in Manchester. Thank you Joni Grace Indolent for removing that one - hope somebody took the other three down in my city too.
Conservative feminists and a right wing religious group believe that trans women are a threat to society. To photograph trans women in a manner that explores their humanity and dignity is a controversial act. LensCulture recently described my work as,
” A terrific body of work. These images have a lot of heart and empathy….these images are, in some sense an account of love and are timeless in that sense. They do not judge, in fact they celebrate in a gentle and accommodating way.”
I do not judge, I work at being kind and gentle. The trans women I meet have become friends, they have suffered and they forgive. They sit for me and I ask for their souls. If my work goes, “beyond the surface” I have looked into the hearts of these women and captured human stories. I do not mind if others see trans women differently but I will continue to photograph these narratives and challenge hate.
If you’d like to be a part of this portrait series get in touch x
Being Brave for £100 a Month!
18 months ago I became freelance. This shot was the shoot that kicked my butt, an image from it hung in the Getty Gallery in London (with Martin Parr) and another went to America. I awoke one morning and had an unstoppable need to leap to a new life and freewill on an adventure. I had just done something spectacular and surprised myself by producing work that was good enough to hang with great photographers. Do you let those moments pass you by? Fear change? Am I brave because I felt scared but did it anyway? A client’s blog caught my attention this week, she was watching a TED talk,
“… of one of the influencers I follow, Harriet Minter, stopped me in my tracks and challenged my thinking. She was delivering a TED talk titled “Proceed until Apprehended” which broadly lands the message that as women we often wait to be invited or seek permission to do the things we want to do rather than jumping in feet first and chasing the dream.” Jodie Salt of The Violet Society.
I too sought permission and hunted for people who would support me but in the end I chose all alone, because those close to me dislike change and made me feel fool hardy. They asked what if I failed, was it wise to give up job security and a pension, was I prepared to pay the price of freedom? Well yes I fucking was - because I did not want to give up my dream. I think that people who stop dreaming die a little bit everyday.
So my husband pays the bills, we are safe and money is quite tight. My photography business is like any new venture - money does not pour in and the first 18 months have been lean. Running a business costs money, in my first tax year at least I was not in debt - WIN! Of course it was wise financially to stay in my job but my comfort zone is a dull place. I kind of figured that with my dreadful abusive childhood I deserved a chance to find out if I am worthless or maybe with more. I wanted more. I had a nine week solo show this summer, I’m doing ok.
There are many things that I gave up: days off; buying clothes ( all my T Shirts and jeans have holes in); my beloved horse riding; coffee that is not home made; eating out…….. all of life’s little luxuries. I barter for yoga, and a few beauty services; and a walk with friends is free. I am determined to remain independent and write a few things off as expenses but it is okay to do without for a while. I am hoping to rejoin the capitalist society I actually live in soon though. Charging my worth is the next step - now that I have realised my worth that is!
The link to Jodie Salt’s blog is below - just in case you wanted to be brave in 10 steps.
https://www.thevioletsociety.club/2018/12/05/top-10-tips-to-being-brave-in-2019/
Tonight Emmeline’s Pantry Celebrate a Year of Growth.
This work is called “Hidden Faces” - one day the women in these images will be proud, visible and they will not need my photographs to speak for them. They will have their own voices.
My social conscience tells me to be kind and authentic so a few times a year I give a charity a days work for free. Once I needed help too. Some grass roots charities need this, paying for luxuries is difficult for them until they are more established. But- are bespoke photographs a luxury? Charities care about marketing their brand and telling their story and I believe that stock images are not good enough, too generic. The story of a business should be personal. This is a story of value.
A picture is worth a thousand words - what do the images here say to you? Emmerline’s Pantry helps the most vulnerable women in society, those who have escaped domestic violence or human trafficking. Some have been shackled and 27 organisations in Manchester use the pantry to help these women build a new life. They have grown from helping 40 women a month to 40 a week. If you feed a mother and give her hope she can care for her child. I too am a mother and survivor of abuse. I am now an award winning photographer who has exhibited at the Getty London and just had a nine week solo show. I know that I did not achieve this alone and I needed people to believe in me.
I Spent a marvellous morning with Karen Wilson who runs the charity. We had to protect the women by not showing their faces. I actually really loved thinking on my feet that day. I shot in an unexpected room due to a sewage leak and loved capturing these women and their children. The edit that afternoon was a tearful one for me though, I had seen such bravery and hope in that room and was aware of the context of the charity’s work. I find these shoots are humbling work and maybe that is the point: to see how far I have come and to help a charity to tell its story so they can stay open and grow.
IS IT IMPORTANT TO GIVE BACK?
My social conscience tells me to be kind and authentic so a few times a year I give a charity a days work for free. Once I needed help too. Some grass roots charities need this, paying for luxuries is difficult for them until they are more established. But- are bespoke photographs a luxury? Charities care about marketing their brand and telling their story and I believe that stock images are not good enough, too generic. The story of a business should be personal.
A picture is worth a thousand words - what does the image here say to you? Emmerline’s Pantry helps the most vulnerable women in society, those who have escaped domestic violence or human trafficking. Some have been shackled and 27 organisations in Manchester use the pantry to help these women build a new life. If you feed a mother and give her hope she will take care of her child. I too am a mother and survivor of abuse. I am now an award winning photographer who has exhibited at the Getty London and just had a nine week solo show. I know that I did not achieve this alone and I needed people to believe in me.
I Spent a marvellous day with Karen Wilson who runs the charity. As I arrived she explained that they had a blockage in the drains and instead of shooting where we had planned could we use a new room, Maybe I just felt good that day as I was totally chilled about this! I had no idea how many women would come, Karen hoped about six and asked me to protect the women by not showing their faces. They didn’t speak much English, so body language was important. I actually really loved thinking on my feet that day. The edit that afternoon was a tearful one for me though, I had seen such bravery and hope in that room and was aware of the context of the charity’s work. I find these shoots are humbling work and maybe that is the point: to see how far I have come and to help a charity to tell its story so they can stay open and grow.
You can see more of the shots here: emmerline-s-pantry and do look the charity up if this is close to your heart too.
My 15 minutes of fame with a solo exhibition has been a journey, a bumpy one! I see me as a woman with a camera, observing people not the one seeking to be the object of the gaze. A woman who grew up believing she was worth less or worth nothing. I grew comfortable with that. So when people began to tell me what they thought of my work and me, describe the impact it had on them and the community I got really upset; because I have never listened to such praise. To help me to accept it graciously I am going to quote some of it here. Then I can think about telling the world that actually I am worth quite a bit!
“The exhibition isn’t everything it will and has changed things and the more it goes the more it does, the chances to get the models noticed their stories heard and your name out there as a serious portait heavyweight.
It’s an amazing collection of portraits Allie Crewe and unfortunately at same time still a semi taboo subject I guess.
Consider that it is a beautiful body of work that you have created, and now it has its own identity to grow. Be very proud of yourself
It will be fine. You’ve achieved so much and you should be proud. The portraits will continue to inspire people, and you will continue to have a positive impact on vulnerable people’s lives.
Your work is exquisite, and shows the strength, vulnerability, character and beauty of each sitter. It will “grow it’s own wings and fly” without you, as others have said, step back and let your baby go. It will be loved and there will be discussions of all types about it, but at the end nobody will be able to fault your talent xx
Allie, what you have accomplished is an amazing thing. Take strength from the fact that your work brings forth strength in others to be able to tell their stories. This is a wonderful and unique creation. And it all started with you. It is brilliant. XX
Oh Allie Crewe I wish it was as easy as saying how fab you are! We’re curious creatures, aren’t we?! Fear is so crippling but it really is liberating when you stare it down. Set the same standards and expectations for yourself as you would anyone else and go a bit easier on yourself. Oiur comfort zones aren’t fixed, they are like thick elastic bands - hard to stretch but not impossible.Soon you’ll forget where it was once set. Xxx
I haven’t seen this body of work, at the gallery yet, but know it is sensational. I am sorry that the other elements of displaying your work are proving so difficult. However, you should be so proud that your talent merits gallery status, and you can only use it as a marketing tool for future work. I hope that this will bring in added interest in your portrait work, from everybody who views the exhibition. Sell yourself and your capabilities whenever you can, during the exhibition tour. Emphasise that this is just a small part of your work and do not accept that you are only focussed on transgender photography. This exhibition certainly shows the beauty of members of our community, but we are also part of the everyday world. I hope you can get to a point where you can enjoy the attention and emphasis on you and your work. xxx
Get a grip and get real. You have more talent in your little finger than most of us will ever have. Revel in that gift and feel its power. Yours is work that will provoke comment and feelings, it’s not vanilla and never will be. Some people may hate it but the majority see it for what it truly is, magnificent life in all its glory from the hands and eye of a true artist.
Start believing in yourself, self doubt has no place in your life and I’m so going to kick your arse when I see you.”
